Worthless Online
Daily News & Commentary
Benjamin Andrew Moore Quick Post
Posted by Benjamin Andrew Moore - 10.28.2009
Jorge panel #9 is all kinds of up.

As you can see, I like my jokes to be A) Gallagher-related and B) abortion-related. Sometimes it's one or the other. This particular time, it's both. As for the people who will no doubt wonder: "Is Jorge a real doctor?" To them I say: No! Idiots! No, he's not. Obviously, he just pretended to be a real doctor so Harmony would let him perform the abortion. (FYI, SPOILER ALERT.)

The following is a "V-style pregnancy," for those not in the know:

This is pretty awesome: What if Harry Potter were made in the eighties/nineties? I find myself asking that question all the time, to strange women in the middle of fancy restaurants who are eating dinner with their families.

Well. This has been fun.

Also: You might've noticed that the comment-capability feature is in the process of being uploaded to the website. I'll let you know when it's fully a go. (As of right now, it's not.)

 Ever-so-lovingly yours,

Benjamin Andrew Moore MORE JORGE
Posted by Benjamin Andrew Moore - 10.26.2009
...for your viewing pleasure.

Speaking of viewing pleasure:

In movie news, George Miller has thrust MAD MAX 4: FURY ROAD back into pre-production, which is a big boon for anyone who has ever seen a Mad Max movie. I say "back" as opposed to "for the first time" because it's, like, the fifth time he's tried to make the movie since Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome.

Frankly, I'm of the opinion, despite his religious insanity and Jew-hating tirade a few years back (admittedly enormous hurdles to get over for some people) that Mel Gibson is so good in this role, it'd be downright depressing to see anyone else take it on. Here's a video where George Miller shows off some of the vehicles they'll be using and talks, very vaguely, about casting:

Elsewhere in the world: Bad news for Scientologists.  I mean, when the writer/director of one of the worst movies ever made (Crash) quits your religion, things are just not looking terribly good for you.

WEBSITE NEWS: So, I'm getting ready to implement a comment-system to the website, which will allow all the assholes to come in and tell me how much they hate my comics/posts/etc. (My point is, I'm really looking forward to it.) I've been told that this system will be in place by later tonight, but I'm not holding my breath. Anyway, keep an eye out for it.

 Faux-sincerely yours,
 Benjamin Andrew Moore

P.S. In more movie news, Doc Savage (based on the iconic comic book character) is being written by Shane Black, who is fantastic and should, if life were fair, also direct the movie.

Other news that is fantastic (and relates to news from Friday):

Bon appetit. Or something.

Benjamin Andrew Moore Guh, Guh, Guh
Posted by Benjamin Andrew Moore - 10.23.2009

Hey there!

What do you know? More Jorge comics are up. Two more, in fact. How fucking gracious of me, am I right? Usually, webcomic-makers only give (approximately) one comic every three days, or a half of a comic, or in some cases just a fraction of a half of a  really shitty comic. I'm all about giving as much comic as I can possibly give of the greatest comic content you could ever read, because that's just how selfless I am. (You're welcome! Speaking of you're welcome, there's a donate button at the tip-top of the page. You'll know it because it says "Please Donate!" real desperate-like.)

As you've no doubt realized, this storyline is leading up to Jorge Jackson actually physically going to Hollywood, per the title of the comic itself. Forgive me if I've spoiled it for you. After the initial storyline is finished, which will be a little while, there will be various Jorge story arcs with more conventional punchline-based, non-storyline strips strewn throughout.

I really wanted to post some kind of...commentary on some kind of...news item in the world today. But frankly, I'm pretty sure nothing of import or interest is happening on the Friday before Halloween. So, maybe next time.

 Doggedly yours,
 Benjamin Andrew Moore

: No worthwhile news besides, of course, the fact that we're going to get a public option. Frankly, I welcome, nay, want, nay, need an opt-out clause for the states that don't want them. Texas, for example. Please, opt-out. Opt right the hell out and never opt-in again. Still, I feel bad for all the Hispanics down there that got saddled with the super assholes. Sorry, Hispanics. You're welcome to join the United States of America once Texas secedes (which I also welcome/want/need).

Benjamin Andrew Moore Worthless-Online is Back, You Nay-Saying Sons of Bitches
Posted by Benjamin Andrew Moore - 10.19.2009

No one, and I mean no one, thought this day would come. Except me.

I told everybody I ever met over the last couple years that I was bringing Worthless back from the grave. In no particular order, I told my “friends,” my family, my girlfriend, my doctor, my dentist, my collection of Star Wars action figurines, complete and utter goddamned strangers, strippers, cabbies, CTA and MTA workers, Amtrak ticket-takers, various talking animals, hipsters, yuppies, yupsters, pretentious types (perhaps these last four are redundant), the ghost of Jack Kirby, and all the rest. Everybody, everywhere.

And not a single one of you believed me. Not a single one of you had faith. How embarrassing for you.

Sure, it took almost four years and two inside-organ failures to do it. In fact, the very first time I emailed my web-designer (who requested to remain nameless due to the vulgarity of this website) on the subject was way back in December of '06. Democracy had just taken back the Congress, thank god. 52, as in the comic book, was so awesome I can't even describe to you how awesome it was. Terrible Watchmen adaptations were but pipe-dreams inside Zach Snyder's tiny, fragile brain. And swine flu was just a hilarious combination of words that made everybody a little bit happier, and a little bit hungrier—like Santa Claus. Ah, those were the days.

It wasn't until December of '07 that the ball really got rolling on my end. In a few weeks' time, I designed this behemoth of a website that you're currently beholding, from the main page to the comic navigation to the archive(s) to the story guide, then kindly asked my web-progammer-who-shall-go-unnamed to program the hell out of it, as I was physically incapable. Am physically incapable. (It might have something to do with the fact that I've never really tried.) Two years and one-hundred-and-thirty-thousand hardships later, Worthless 2.0 is done, up, and better than ever. The redesigned visual style is not entirely different from that of the original look, but that's on purpose. I was going for something that reminded you of Ole Worthless, made you hanker for it like I'm currently hankering for monster cookies, and yet blew you away with how unlike Ole Worthless it was, like I'm currently being blown away by how good these monster cookies I'm eating are.

I think I succeeded.

For those not aware of Worthless-Online's existence from July of 2002 to August of 2004, first of all: shame on your asses. And secondly: I suggest you educate yourself right quick by reading A History of Worthless. Trust me, it's worth it. (Get it? Get the play on words there?)


A brand-spanking new webcomic in the form of Jorge Jackson Goes to Hollywood. (Click for the first of five new strips.) Who is Jorge Jackson? Learn all about him by reading A History of Jorge Jackson. Go to his section of the website, with links to his Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, et cetera, here. (Or just click on the Jorge tab up-top.) The format of Jorge's comic isn't exactly the same as Classic Worthless, but it's not entirely different either. Instead of navigating from comic to comic, you'll be navigating each comic from panel-to-panel. The hilarity is more surprising that way. Artistically, I'd say it's a bit more advanced if slightly less cartoonish. More Jorge Jackson Goes to Hollywood comics are coming soon, so stay tuned...

The Classic Worthless archive is back up and can be found here, or via the Archive tab to your left. So, too, can the grand and beautiful STORY GUIDE. Also, considering I never finished that final Worthless story (four in one, actually), I'm promising here and now that I'll be doing that for you. But mostly for myself. Either way, it's going to happen. Just like I promised everybody I ever met over the past couple years that I was bringing Worthless back, I'm promising to finish that last Worthless story—only this time I'll do it much quicker than three years.

Speaking of the Classic Worthless archive, I sort of went “George Lucas” all over a lot of the old comics, for various reasons. (Going “George Lucas” all over something isn't as sexual as it sounds. Rather, it means you went back to your old creative work and changed or added something to it, much like George Lucas himself did with the Star Wars trilogy, time and again. Steven Spielberg, Ridley Scott, Soviet Russia, and Walt Disney's frozen corpse also did this, to varying results.)  Most of the changes to the comics were small and vaguely cosmetic, thus you probably even won't notice the difference. That is, if you ever read the original comics in the first place. Some of what I changed was entirely cosmetic, by which I mean I redrew the entire goddamn thing, but otherwise didn't change the comic. I think I only did this once. Some of the changes involved adding a comma or a capital letter D in place of a small letter d—that kind of bullshit. Then there's Tales Through Time!, which didn't “change” so much as “get more demons in the background of a couple strips.” But perhaps the most drastic changes were made in the Return of the Draft storyline, where I replaced a single crappy comic with several much more awesome comics (here, here, here, here, here, and here).

(Unlike George Lucas, however, who tries very hard indeed to hide the Original Trilogy from the light of day, the original comics will be readily available upon request. Send me an email about a particular comic you want to see and I'll put it up and link to it via this, the main page and commentary. Unless I really don't want to or something.)

On the Extras page, you'll notice that there are links to several different pages. First, Videos: all my videos, from my short films to my web-videos to any vlogs I decide to make in the future, can or will be found on this page. (When I say “all,” I mean “all” the videos that can be legally uploaded to the American Internet.) Second, Links: this shit is pretty self-explanatory. I've linked to a bunch of websites that I like here. I hope you're familiar with this concept, because I'm not your mother. Third, Reviews: at the moment, I've just got the reviews I wrote for CenterstageChicago.com, the Sun-Times entertainment website (I always feel like I have to slip that in) I used to work for, but sometime soon there will also be reviews of movies, comic books, videogames, television series, music albums, and perhaps even other webcomics. Fourth, Features: right now this section has all the articles I did for CenterstageChicago.com. In the future, I have to imagine I'll post other things here, but as for what those things'll be, I don't have a clue at the moment. Essays, maybe? I don't know. Let's just say essays for now. Fifth, Misc.: this is where I have put and will be putting all the miscellaneous creative crap I do. Stories, photography, art work, you name it, it's going here. Keep an eye on this one, it might be my favorite of the Extras.

The forums are for foruming. Seriously, you've never been on an internet forum before? It's a place you can electronically visit to discuss various topics with people who are half unbearable bitches and half barely bearable bitches. (Bitches all around, though.)

You can read various about pages on the About page. About Jorge, About Worthless, About the Classic Worthless characters (Ben, Spencer, Dan, Bradyn, Hass, and Baryd/Stuart—coming soon!), and About the Author, otherwise known as me. Otherwise known as Benjamin Andrew Moore.


I think that's all for now. I'll be blogging and posting new comics regularly, at the very least three times a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday starting next week). So keep on coming back as often as you'd like. Also, if it's at all possible, please donate any tiny amount of money that you can (there's a button that says "donate" at the top of the page), as it will go toward the upkeep and continuation of this wonderful website. I feel like a dick asking, but the truth is I've done a shit ton of work to get everything to where it is here at Worthless, and that has (unfortunately) required a lot of money on my end, but also (perhaps even more unfortunately) the time and energy it takes to do a “shit ton” of work. In order to keep going here at Worthless-Online, I very much need money to replenish the money that I've lost/will continue to lose, and to make it worthwhile for me to keep making comics, etc.

Certainly, if you don't like this website and do want to see me fail miserably, I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to donate a single dime. More power to you, buddy.

 Cordially yours,
 Benjamin Andrew Moore



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